PATS WIN!! A Journey with a foul mouthed fan!

UPDATED AT THE BOTTOM OF BLOG POOPY PANTS!! *****JAN 31, 2012******

PATS WIN!!!!!

IT'S SUPER BOWL TIME!!!!!!!!

Now that we know the outcome I gotta tell you it was no easy breezy game to get through for some. For me it was easy because I was laughing and laughing at my friend Matt, and I couldn't stop taping. I was probably annoying everyone but I don't really care. Matt was pumped and and the girls were occupied with words with friends anyway. L-A-M-E ( 4 points)

Matt couldn't contain his excitement or his sailors mouth and it made for some really funny stuff.

Has anyone heard of the tourette's guy?

Well, Matt puts him to shame over the course of this game and I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Let the madness begin.

The clock strikes 3....

The excitement was so strong at this point that the fact that the national Anthem was on in the background was not even considered!!! HAHAHA...

We decided to let the fish lipped hippie finish his song, much to the disgust of Matt.

Now the game was underway, the food was flowing and Matts passion for the team he loves so much was also being fueled by a half can of coors light, quite a bit for this guy.

He couldn't sit, he couldn't breath... But what he did do here set the course for the rest of the night and I could not stop giggling. I sound like an idiot in the backround from here on out but I will sacrafice my giggling like a girly girl for the sake of the moment I was actually able to capture.

(the moment of the night)!!

Dear CBS. If the game is in play, please don't cut away to show Bob Kraft getting emotional over the dedication to his wife, Matt has no patience for that. Bob didn't deserve this...

But all was forgiven when we scored a touchdown...

Thank God halftime came before Matt popped an artery!! But he was confident going into the break.

Great first half, but it was time to check on the kids who were around the corner in a sound proof room.

oops. No harm done.

The second half didn't lack any of the passion that the first half did, but he did sit down a couple times...

Forgive me for not continuing to video during the second half. It was quite stressful and I was starting to get a little nervous and thought we were gonna blow it like we did last year, but luckily for he PATS there was a knock at the door when it was field goal time...

I told him he wasn't here and gave him directions to Gillette Stadium where he was about kick a field goal...

HAHAHAHA!!! Laces Out!!!

Matt took it pretty well...

Funny night and an Awesome Win!!! Gotta go now so I can see the end of the next game, but I don't think Matt is gonna make it!

Good night moon.

Good night stars.

Good night grown man acting like a tard.

THE PATS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Night Night.

*****************************SILLY GOOSE UPDATE*********************************

So, because of my dumb superstitions I have'nt written another silly goose blog since the last Patriots win. I had some really funny videos of Matt reacting to the game and I was so excited to post it but it wouldn't have been the same if the Pats lost. So I decided not to write another (full) blog until after the super bowl.

To my legions and legions of fans out there that can't live without my day to day trials and banter, I am still applying for jobs and getting denied because of the hurtles I face that I described in Blog #1. I was just denied through the state of Massachusetts a Job for the Department of Corrections because of an "unsatisfactory criminal record". It's amazing to me that something that never happened, couldn't be proven, was silly and blown out of proportion, not to mention completely dismissed by the courts, is holding me back three years later.

I have arrested drug dealers, wife beaters and thieves who have been been forgiven by the public and the system that are working respectable jobs now, but because of who I was and the position I held, being "accused" of going pee-pee in a public place is such an "UNFORGIVABLE ACT". Anywho, I don't take it personal because I know I am just a number and was tossed aside because of recent activity on a CORI, so I plan on appealing it and going in there and fighting for myself.

I'll keep plugging away but I have made up my mind about something else. I wanted to hold off until I landed a respectable job but then I just came to the conclusion "why"? It's not like it's gonna slow me down in a job search. I want to do stand up comedy and I will. I know I'm never gonna get rich or be famous with it, but I know it's a calling. Even if it's just in crappy clubs after a long week at work. I need to take the chance. I need to get over my insecurities and fears and just do it. I'm gonna piece together a five minute set and try to book an open mic in Boston BEFORE St. Pattys day.

These clubs are +2. I get five minutes if I bring 2 or more people in. $10 bucks at the door. I'm gonna work out the details while I continue to Job search and paint boat bottoms. If anyone wants to be a part of it and come support me in what I can guarantee will be a series of EPIC fails while I try and polish my act, please message me and let me know so I can keep you in the loop.

I can't reach for the stars with my fingers in my bum..... and it's time to reach.

Sat, Jan 21 SNOW DAY!

Nothing like a relaxing snow day to break up a busy week! Just relaxing, sledding, hot cocoa, blankets, a midday diarrhea explosion, movies, crackpot dinner, friends, and laughter.

Lets start at the beginning, just an EARLY morning with the kids after a night of poker that lasted till 3AM. Waking up and rubbing the sand out of your eyes, and if you're Jonah, (my youngest) it's giving your nose a good cleaning...

That was a pretty good take for being a quick grab, so I quickly uploaded it and found myself laughing hysterically. Then Jonah came over and wanted to see what was so funny. You think that would keep him entertained enough, but apparently he wasn't finished...

Gotta love that dedication!!!

The plan was to go sledding in the afternoon, because we wanted some more snow to fall, so I had some time to kill. So who out there was like me yesterday and fell for that stupid Dunkin Donuts thing. If you don't know, you had to click on a D&D link and just write on your status that you love Dunkins. I think mine read " I love you Dunkin, and I wanna kiss you on the mouth!! I saw that a lot of people fell for the same thing. Actually, I didn't really fall for it, I just clicked on it out of curiosity and then realized it was probably a virus. Thank God I only clicked on it with my iPhone. I feel betrayed by Dunkin Donuts for being so weak and allowing hackers to use their name to try and harm others.

So there was only one thing to do.... Go to Dunkin Donuts and demand My $100 gift card anyway!!

Note to self, take the times to wipe off your car properly...

But...When I did finally get there I was all Business Baby!!!

I'm pretty sure I just made my point! That Manager totally thought I was serious. The guy kept looking at me weird and I think he was starting to catch on. He also made me feel much better about the size of MY man-boobs!!

That was a success. (fart noise) Then I went home to get the kids ready for some sledding. I wasn't even gonna chance breaking my phone getting some sled shots... got the kids ready to go...

The sledding was great and no one got hurt (bonus). Dinner was cooking away in the crockpot, more sledding at the house for the kids while four grown adults visiting each other had their nose in their phones, not speaking at all while simultaniously playing each other in four separate games of words with friends.

So after we ate we decided to act like human beings again with a game of Cranium but... couples or no couples, that was the question....?

Decision made. Bros Vs. Hoes

My Team Mate!

Matt

Mmmmm. That's a sexy man.

But we lost, thanks to crap luck and the ladies being able to guess this clay design...

is a WALRUS!!

That's CRAP!!

Fun Day! Tomorrow is the PATS game!!! (with the Marshalls again) YAY!

GO PATS!!

COMING SOON TO THE SILLY GOOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Marcs Corner

The personal picking apart of anything and everything related with the silly goose from a very grouchy man who's hatred for the people around him is only overshadowed by his blatant receding hairline.

I'll let Matt take you out with some "Video killed the Radio star"

Night Night

Night Night

Jan 13, 2012

It's Patriots weekend!!!! ...And yet all I hear are people talking about this GOP political horse shit. Enough with the politics please, at least till after Super Bowl. This is how you should respond to anyone talking politics during football playoff season...

Soooo, it's football weekend and earlier in the week I talked about a dish my brother made for our poker game, stuffed Jalapeños (or) "colon blows". I decided to go to the store, get the ingredients and give the recipe a test run for the weekend. I hate going to the grocery store on fridays, and I really wish I didn't say to the deli guy "sure, I'm so in the mood for a salty piece of meat" when he asked me if I would like a sample piece of Prosciutto. The lines are so long when you're trying to get out on fridays, but today I had some good banter with the check out guy because I was telling him about making the Jalapeños. Apparently, the conversation was picked up by the bagger who had a really bad lisp, as I found out when I was leaving when he said "enjoy your Jalapenis". That makes three homosexual encounters today when you include the fact that I dialed (508) instead of (617) while calling unemployment and stumbled upon a gay sex hot line. (true story).

Okay, important note before recipe is revealed. The first time I bit into one of these things it was magical, and I only wished it was life size so I could throw it against a wall, kiss it passionately, make love to it, put a ring on it's finger and ride into the sunset on the wings of cured meats, but I made a mistake with the cheese, and it made all the difference. Don't get me wrong, this batch and I had our fun, but the type of fun that ends and I call you a cab.

I used 6 blend italian cheese, you MUST use 4 blend mexican cheese.

Lets give credit to the creator... my brother Kevin

Stop him in the street if you see him and thank him for such a delicious and healthy treat, and also mention his eyebrows look FANTASTIC!!

But be aware that after 8pm EST his appearance changes slightly so you may have to look a little harder...

So here we go...

Step 1) Jalapeño

Janet Reno

Step 2) cut in half and choose to keep seed in and take them out.

sauerkraut

Now we have a good opportunity for a prank if you want, nothing like blowing the butthole right out of your best buddys pants...

riverdance

Add some death chili sauce and hide it in the Jalapeno!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Nothing says football party like an unexpected heart attack

Step 3) add cream cheese

summer breeze

Step 4) add MEXICAN (4 blend) cheese

florida keys

Step 5) wrap in delicious Prosciutto

?

Step 6) Bake till Crispy

He talked with a lispy

Final step... feed face

Enjoy!!!!

HOLD IT!!!!!! I'm sorry, there is one final step that I forgot to mention...

Night Night

GO PATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jan 12, 2012

So I have been debating for just over a year now whether or not to reach out to my old chief and see if three years has softened his heart. I have acknowledged my faults and have made peace with everything, but HE is the last person to employ me as a police officer, and future potential employers will no doubt go through him to seek information about my work record.

I thought maybe I should go in there, tuck my balls up into my bum, swallow my pride, and apologize for embarrassing him and his department.

whats the worst that could happen..

.

Lord knows that guy did his share of sketchy and immoral things, but he's in the position of power (for now) and I did get myself into this. I wanted to be the bigger man, go in there, shake his hand and say sorry.

I went through the chain of command and placed the request for a sit down through the Lieutenant. I got the call back this morning from the LT who said...

"Joe, I talked to the chief and told him you would like to come in and apologize and he denied your request for a sit down and wants to keep things as they were".

This is the part where I normally would go on a obscenity filled rant about how much I hate the man, and how he thinks he's above everyone else but I won't . I proved today that I am and always will be the bigger man.

But Chief, just because you're a cop doesn't mean you're better than people. Cops are just people too, not super heroes, and people aren't perfect...

I still couldn't get through to unemployment but got more applications out today. I did get some really good advise to think outside the box however. Why not drop off my resumes at police departments taped to the top of a box of donuts!! Hahaha! What a way to stand out or be remembered! "Here you go Sir, my resume and a box of boston creams. Have at it but don't take too big of bites because my card is strategically placed in the middle of each donut. I look forward to hearing from you, fatty".

Somethings gotta give, I'll keep at it. Kind of a boring blog today, oh well. This is for me anyways so, bugger off!! I think the blog is showing some character though. During my morning prayers I told God I was proud of myself for moving forward and opening up, I asked him to please share with me what he thought and I'm pretty sure he said...

Alright, daddy duty calls but I think I got some good blooper videos for the weekend. A couple pretty good FAILS, including a puppet skit! Gotta get dinner ready, so it's time to turn up the tunes. My little Monster and the "Monster Mosh"...

January 11, 2012

The official count for calling unemployment today was 40+, with absolutely no luck getting through because all operators were busy ALL DAY. This is day three in a row trying to get through to these people. It's just to fill the gap for two weeks, so it would be nice to finally get through! Are there really that many people unemployed?? Here's a thought that might help the situation a little as far as unemployment numbers is this stupid state....HIRE MORE F'n OPERATORS!!!

I also called 4 police departments to see if I could talk to someone of rank that would answer some questions about the hiring process. This is one thing I hate about police. No one will just take a phone call and be a nice person, they can't be bothered because it's just a stupid civilian to them, and the civilians can wait. The dispatcher always says that they are on a call or in a meeting, but I was a cop for six years, give me a break. I know the very same Sergeant I'm looking to speak with is in the dispatch area, eating a burrito and playing angry birds. I know, I've been that Dispatcher. It drives me crazy! Hey, you're not better than me, pick up the phone and do your job.

I hate wasting time with this stupid unemployment crap. I have my ear to a phone waiting to get through to a human being, and my fingers going a mile a minute searching for jobs near and far. Getting pissed that half the places I click to apply lead to frickin college applications/advertisements. I need a quick break so I jump on Facebook and this is what I see...

It's a post on my brothers page that shows a single kernel of corn sitting suspiciously atop their bathtub drain. It immediately made me laugh just thinking of where that corn came from, and that it's the last shred of evidence left behind from someones shower. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! This is sooo funny, just because it's so real. And of course in the comments section the sharks were out blaming everyone, including me and my younger brother at the poker game the other night.

It really made my morning, but I had to get back to work.

After about an hour I got up to get a drink and in the fridge I noticed a 3 day old bowl of chunky,mushy brown left over beef stew that no one was going to eat.

What would you do? ______

a) eat it, because it's a waste of food and money if you don't.

b) throw it away and take the trash outside

c) ignore it and get your drink so you can get back to work

d) use the gross chunky beef stew as a PooPoo prop in a prequel revenge video to my brothers funny picture.

Correct Answer - D

So the story behind my brothers picture was he didn't know where the kernel of corn came from and he was going to open an investigation. My response video was the result of me doing an investigation and uncovering a "video" my brother didn't want anyone to see that took place just minutes before he posted the still shot.

I titled it "The mystery of the bath tub corn kernel...Solved". The Video Doug does not want you to see.

I could only do it in one take because of the limited beef stew, so it's not as perfect as I wanted it to be, but I think it works...

Then I got back to work. I am an adult you know.

night.

January 10, 2012

Major Job searches going on so I've been making that the priority instead of updating the goose the last two days. As I'm getting more comfortable with the blog and ideas for the blog I realized I don't have to blog every day, but rather when I have something good. I don't want to bore my self to death either.

The weekend was fun, did a little ice skating...

...And played a little poker with the Houston brothers later that night!

My younger brother made this appetizer where he took a jalapeno, cut it in half and filled it with a mixture of cream cheese and a four cheese Italian blend. Then wrapped it up in prosciutto and baked it till nice and crispy. It was heaven in my mouth, and hell in my bowels. I don't know what he calls them, but if I could offer a name it would be "colon blows". Mmmmm Mmmmm they were good (but again, you poop fire).

Not a bad weekend, with the exception of water getting in the salt shaker, making it nearly impossible to use

Alrighty, more Job hunting tomorrow.

I'm actually seeing as I type this a movie preview with Dollly Parton in it. I can't remember the last time I've seen her in a movie? This looks like a legit Hollywood movie too. Wow, she still looks good. She must be in her seventies! Is that weird that I'm still attracted to her, that can't be a weird grandma fetish can it? Gross. But she still has it! Well, Her boobs and I must be around the same age, so that makes me feel better.

night

Weekend "FAILS"

As is it turns out, the iPhone camera and videos are amazing quality.

So, I'm always "record ready" for anything that I think would be awesome or funny or whatever. So, hopefully I'll be finding myself in the right place at the right time.

But sometimes there are FAILS of videos whether they're real, or staged. I wasn't gonna post on the weekend but I figured the weekend would be a perfect opportunity to quickly post the gag reel. I don't mind embarrassing myself...

So this the is first rendition of " A week in FAILS"

This was a video that would have been called "Getting rid of the christmas tree GANGSTA style. I have no idea what that even means or why I would do that. But it went horribly wrong.

...And why not a behind the scenes tours of my FAIL

This may be my favorite thing to do each week!!!

Friday!! January 6, 2012

Gotta be quick...

First, I woke up and got ready for the Gym. While I was getting dressed my sweet precious daughter whispers to me, "daddy, you love to eat don't you"? I asked why she would ask me that and she replies "because you have such a big belly".

The perfect motivation! To go back to bed

But I didn't. Yay for Fatty.

Then I dropped my son off to school for the last time in my crap car. As he left he said he couldn't wait to see our new car that I was picking up later that night. Then he said he couldn't wait to grow up and be lady gaga.

At the Gym, what usually happens to me, happened to my buddy. He got stuck talking to an old naked man in the locker room who had a serious 70's pube fro. That's the worst. I don't know what it is with old men and locker rooms. They will sit there bare assed and have a full conversation with you, and they can't sense the awkward desperation that we are going through to not look at their old gross balls. So as I exited the area and got to a corner of the locker room where my buddy could see me, but the old man couldn't. I then did what any mature 32 year old man would do, I mooned my friend and pretended to stick my water bottle in my bum to try and get him to laugh while talking to the old man. I was impressed, he didn't crack. (no pun intended).

Then came home.

I was hungry, because dieting sucks. So of course I make my sandwich perfectly and forget to empty the mustard juice before applying mustard. Hence, soaking my bread and ruining my long awaited lunch. I can't tell you how many times my food plans have been foiled by the evil that is Mustard Juice!!

***The following is an unexaggerated reenactment of the "Mustard Incident"

*no containers of mustard were hurt during the making of this video

Why can't I ever be patient enough to just make sure all that stupid juice is gone before attempting to put it on my sandwich.

Oh well, fool me once, shame on....

How does that go?

Lets see...

What else Happened today..................?

Oh Yeah, I got a Mercedes.

Happy friday, poopy pants!

....The following is another type to talk movie written by this untalented Ginger.

January 5, 2012.

God I hate looking for Jobs.

But you wanna know what I hate more than looking for jobs? Looking for Jobs while hungry. I'm STARVING!! This is day 5 of trying to get down to the weight I should be. I'm only allotted 2000 calories a day which is not a lot of food. As a matter of fact, if this was LAST week, 2000 calories wouldn't even be enough to keep my left man boob happy.

Ugh... Security, Police, Dispatch, EMT, Hyperbaric Chamber Tech...? I don't care what I have to do temperarily, but one of these things that I'm qualified for has got to break for me soon. Atleast I'm still getting paid for another week.

The boat yard was fun during the spring and summer and I love driving boats and all that, but it would be much more fulfilling and rewarding as a second job. When all the boats are gone to bed for the winter I feel useless. I'm not mechanical in any way so I'm at the bottom of the totem pole, which feels crappy. It feel like I'm the Ryders Cove version of the special needs people at the grocery store that bag the groceries.

These three weeks off have been fun though, and I love and will miss these lazy but awesome moments with the kids...

So, day five of the diet and exercise routine down. Maybe this will be the first time that I actually start watching the biggest loser and dieting all the way through. I gotta do it this time, I will look much more appealing in an interview 40lbs down.

Time will tell, But I really need to shrink my dumb fat face.

Modern Family was great this week, and my new addiction I think is going to be celebrity wife swap! This week with Gary Busey was EPIC!! hahahaha what a donkey that guy is. Next week is Dee Snider and... who cares who else, it's Dee Snider!!

Well, Tomorrow is friday and another day of Job searching and cleaning up after christmas. Christmas was good this year but it's depressing that the seasons over, and I'd rather eat a cobb salad out of Barney Franks butt hole than take down all the lights. But I'm ready for 2012. Speaking of 2012, I love watching the three stooges on new years eve and this year they had previews for the stooges movie, I can't decide if it looks good or terrible. Actually, that's an easy Post...hold on...

We'll see...

New Years was kind of uneventful, and Dick Clark was spot on, so there no comic relief to ring in the new Year. ...And for God sakes, enough of Lady GaGa!! She is AWFUL!! She is a talented singer and song writer, but enough with the retarded costumes. I hate you.

I actually made a type to talk movie with her in it that I forgot about. It's with a forgetful and stupid geriatric (or) Larry King, interviewing Lady GaGa... I'll end with that.

January 4, 2012.

I love all my wise ass friends that bust my balls on FB and I love to give it back to them, and I hope that will continue on The Silly Goose. But this blog is simply an outlet for me to keep creative juices flowing without always posting to FB. It will also archive everything I write so I can come back and pick and choose from some of the better stuff.

I don't wanna get to heavy on this blog, it will really just be what I did on FB, just a little longer with more home videos, pictures and commentary on the bachelor.

mmmm...the Bachelor....

But, I do wanna start off this blog by laying it all out on the table. Who I was, who I am, and where I'm going.

This is who I was...

Officer Houston

Nantucket/Brewster Ma. /6 years active service

I loved being a cop, and I was good at it. I loved going into work everyday, helping people and being a light hearted cop who wasn't an asshole. I can't stand the guys that think they're top dog, better than everyone else and will do anything to make themselves look better even if that means stabbing brothers in blue in the back. Unfortunately, That's about 75% of every department. I didn't become cop to be a bully, I became a cop because I love helping people, the honor of wearing the badge and the fact blue and red blood have flowed through my families veins for generations.

...but

Enter one bad night..

January 18, 2009.

I had bought some metallica tickets for myself, my brothers and some friends. This is actual footage of where we were sitting and my two brothers are the two gingers in the center of the shot. I recently was pissed that my brother had posted this on his wall, but I need to accept this and embrace it. He wanted to show how awesome the seats were, and he was right, they were great seats. But while they're jumping up and down to "Seek and Destroy", I'm in a jail cell.

In a nutshell, I spilled my beers on the punk in front of me, he turned around, punched me and we were kicked out. I was drunk, and that was my fault.

I was asked to leave the Boston garden, and escorted out into a blizzard. I made the decision to walk back in and ask the MBTA cops for help. I identified myself as a cop and long story short... I was arrested for trespassing, accused of urinating on the punk in front of me, and calling a black MBTA Officer "Obama".

I lost my Job.

And the news papers crucified me and made up additional accusations to make me look bad.

Parez Hilton got ahold of the story and decided to put semen on my face

which is weird because I don't remember going down on anyone that day.

I was smeared everywhere from Parez Hilton to Rolling Stone, to The London times.

It was the most awful time of my life and not one day goes by that I don't think about it.

After all the dust settled, all charges were all dropped and here is how the cape cod times reported that..."Officer Pleads Guilty".

So, I gave you a very "detail free" version of events because there was so much involved, and I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to share this, even though a lot of people know about it anyways. The three year anniversary is coming up and this is my way of burning it and letting it go. I still have 2 years left on my police certification but people in Massachusetts won't hire me because of this, even though I go in and I am open and honest. I don't even know If I wanna be a cop anymore honestly, because I've seen how bad the Justice system is, but I will keep trying until the certification runs out. Side note; after my incident there have been 7 officers on the cape that have been in trouble/arrested for drinking and driving, kidnapping and leaving the scene. All of which involving a decision to get into a vehicle and drive while drunk, none of them got the coverage I got and some of them still have their jobs... Hmmmmmm?

So I lift my head high and move on. I continue to use humor and laughter, family and friends to stay positive. I won't let my kids watch me quit, or roll over and die. I will be strong for them, and make something of myself again, like I've done before.

And nothing else matters...